Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
