dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize