hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
