The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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