the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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