I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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