omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
