I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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