Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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