I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
