Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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