You just made me feel so damn special
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize