Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
