I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
