He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
