you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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