Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
