So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
