Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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