worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
