i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
