did i walk over a car last night?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
