I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
