Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
