My hair reeks of homosexuality.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
