Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
it's like heaven, but drunker
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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