i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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