I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
