Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
