I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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