I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
