my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
