How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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