he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
