she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
