Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
