i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
