i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
