So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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