Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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