Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
