Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
