You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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