He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
