I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Are my feet made of real feet?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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