Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
