You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize