that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
