who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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