so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
