Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
