I am puke
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
