Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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