my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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