His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
