i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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