I wish my penis had an off switch
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
