I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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