I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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