what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
