he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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