Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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