I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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