Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
