Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I didn't notice because vodka
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
