I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
