P.S. I can't hear my feet
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
