I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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