Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
