So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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