I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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