You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
