Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
