Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
