Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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