I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
