I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
