it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize