Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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