That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
