That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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