Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
