wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
