you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
