he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
