i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
