Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I looked at my own cervix.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
