So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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