Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
