11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
