I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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