sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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