cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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