i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
