ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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