wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize