dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
